Hello my ducklings,

So, some of you may not know that I'm currently going through a very emotional time right now. My grandmother has stage four lung cancer and isn't doing so well at the moment. And not to mention that my close friend had died last summer and that is still taking it's toll on me. I came home today to see that my mother was looking at funeral plans and i almost burst into tears, I'm currently crying as I write this. My boyfriend has been trying to help by saying it's just the stress from school and track, but I don't believe that's the case. It's bad enough that I cried out of anger today once I got disqualified in high jump during our track meet. I...I just don't know what to-do anymore. Should I just give up on life until this is all over, or put a fake smile on and fake all of my happiness like i have been of the past five months? I hate this... I hate this very much. It has eaten up all of my strength. I cry myself to sleep about once or twice a week, and it's been getting worst. I'm slowly being torn apart; I'm being split from my happiness, courage, endurance, and most of all my love for life. I'm becoming depressed and even had small thoughts of suicide, but I've always decided against it because I have to be strong for my friends, family, and my boyfriend. I know that I have much to live for and I don't want to lose it all at this age. I'm going to get through this. I will...but for now i will cry and that is it. I will cry till the sun explodes in a million years. I need to be strong...

Goodnight my ducklings, I will see you all for endless more days <3 just stay strong with me.